I just cried watching this.

Witnessing, through my 28 year old eyes, my 11 year old get bullied into depression, my 12 year old self do anything to numb the pain, my 13 year old self nearly get beat to death by a gang… and then coming even closer to death through his own knife.

This is my story.

WARNING: This performance is: Raw. Naked (literally). Violent. But it’s NOT rated R… not even PG-13… because I was barely 13, and this was *reality* (without much “PG” at all).

Writing and performing this piece has been some of the greatest healing I’ve ever done in my life to date.

I love my life. All of it. And I’m grateful for all the steps that have guided me here, including all the pain that ultimately lead me to my purpose, all the darkness that enlightened me to my dharma.

Isabella Konold *thank you* with a deep bow of reverence and gratitude for helping me excavate and tell my story, for empowering me to dig deeper when I wanted to pull back, and for inspiring me through your own riveting story and potent performance to make this leap in expression of truth.

In diving into my darkness, I’ve discovered a new power and potency in my current path, with a whole new level of emotional freedom, from the pain of my past.

Artistically, this has felt like my best work to date – and yet, it’s only the beginning. Another step on a 1000 mile journey.

I feel so grateful to everyone who helped make this happen.

Krista Richards for the beautiful musical collaboration, architected just minutes before the show, which made a world of difference in my expression and its impact (that’s Krista playing piano on the right side).

Bella Verita for witnessing and giving feedback on my rehearsals the night before (I finished writing this piece less than 24 hours before show) and your last minute availability made a world of difference.

Angela Povse for, on top of supporting me in so many other ways, watching me rehearse over until the last hour Thursday afternoon. Courtney Acamo for your grounding love and support in the hour beforehand and for preparing.

Sunny Durante for capturing all of this on video so professionally, for the lights and the fast turnaround and your care.

Joshua Armstrong for the beautiful photos captured before, during and after.

Kevin Kurgansky for listening and feedback through the development of this piece in the days leading up to it.

Paul Rossano for emcee’ing the evening.

Dane Maxwell for being one of my closest inspirations in the past year to follow my heart through my art.

To all the volunteers that showed up to setup for the evening for Isabella‘s show, and through that for this opening piece as well. It meant so much to have the space to prepare and not worry about many hosting space details.

To all those who knew me in middle school that commented with some memories on my status last week, to help me discover more memories.

Jess Johnson, for working closely with Isabella on our VIP day together – in many ways, that day was the spark of this unfolding expression. You two asked at the end of the day: “What’s your relationship with anger and shame?” – after which I began to shine more light into my shadow, and gained greater courage to go there even without the light.

And THANK YOU to everyone who attended. Being witnessed in this by my friends, as a loving audience, changed my life.

I’m emotional as I write this, so I’m sorry if I missed anyone. I feel grateful to everyone who supports my artistic expression.

…and of course, since you’re going to eventually see this recording on Facebook anyway.

Scott Seigal and Igor Burdetskiy (“Scott and Iggy” from end of the piece) thank you for being true friends back then.

And mom, Irina Kozlova, I love you <3 I love you so much. You were the best mother I could have possibly asked for. Part of me is scared for you to see this; you did your best to love me and care for me then. Most of all “you brought us out of poverty” – and so much more. I love you and you inspire me. I couldn’t possibly imagine the pain you’ve been through, persevered through, for me and Yuriy, in Russia, through immigration and beyond.

There’s nothing that I wish had happened differently. I’m grateful for every step that has led to today. I’m in awe of today. And I deeply trust in the unfolding future.

——–

…Oh and this might be a good time to debut my new “stage name” > ForWord.

The Message in you
Is that the message is you
And you’re the messenger too

…sharing my new piece •The Message• at Trilogy Sanctuary Open Mic

This is also my first ever “political” (Trump) reference in any poem.

Huge thanks to Gable Brannigan for your spontaneously making your soulful piano skills available for this and Cherie Smart for capturing this so beautifully.

The Lyrics:

Be a vessel of truth
Unleash the message in you
The message is you
And you’re the messenger too
Your intentions infused
In the sentences used
In your expressional tunes
Giving lessons through music
As this melody moves us
As a medicine to
Push relentlessly through
Higher levels of truth
To heal the separate illusion
And the desperate confusion
That renders us useless
Forget the excuses
Let your memories fuse
With the presence of truth
What you’re stepping into
Your past, your present and your destiny too
Remember the truth
And if you forget where look
If you’re ever confused
Then remember, it’s you
You don’t need a definite muse
We’re meant to be used
Divinely
For expressing the truth
Whether together forever or severed and separately too
We’re forever the truth
And if there’s ever a forever in youth
It’s in believing, speaking, and seeing
That the message in you
Is that the message is you
And you’re the messenger too

Let that settle in you
As you connect to what’s true
Find that connection, to you

Releasing this poem
Just feeling this moment
Feel your emotions
Feel where you’re whole and
Reveal where you’re broken
And it’s only through seeing the whole thing
And seeing your need to be noticed
That you can begin to heal your opponents
And it’s only through healing your enemies
By leading with empathy
That you can begin freeing your energy
To dream of your destiny
For leaving a legacy
Believe in a heavenly
Dream of serenity
And you’ll reach it eventually
You’ll look back
And find your demons, a memory
This belief is a remedy
For the pain, the treason and jealousy
Trust, there’s a reason for everything
Even every greedy celebrity
Even for Trump, we need him to help us see
That even in a scheme of inequity
And the seeming extremities
There’s relief in a recipe
The only belief that will set us free
It’s this:
The change we wish to see is what we’re meant to be
So proceed with integrity
Honor your word, honor yourself
Honor your world, follow your breath
Even when it’s hollow, and dark
Follow your heart
We all have a part
You don’t have to breath fire but we all have a spark
Whether you’re inspired, or falling apart
Even in those moments when following your calling is hard
And you’re lost in the dark
You can always look up, and follow the stars
And remember that your calling is a small piece of art
A meaningful contribution
To the dream of our evolution
Of believing that all us humans
Can create heaven on earth if
We each settle in service
And surrender to purpose

Trusting the vision we
Must be divinity
Something within me speaks
There’s nothing that wisdom seeks
It just erupts when resistance’s weak
And as we trust in this vision we
Feel sudden infinity
Like we’re suddenly unity
We trust in community
Loving the music we
Erupt with the truth we speak
Love love loving so beautifully
And if you’re stuck and can’t do it so beautifully
Then just trust in the truth you speak
And feel the love with your truth released
That love will fill you with peace
Feel the LOVE with your truth released
That love, will fill you, with peace

And if you think a single sentence that I said was the truth
Then you can forget it and lose
Cause it’s not about remembering tunes
It’s about remembering you
Remember the truth
The message in you
Is that the message is you
And you’re the messenger too

And you’ll only live the message
And boldly give your essence
By expressing your truth
So what’s left to express within you?

*Turn on HD for the best view*

"…Back to my purpose, this massive path I’m on
So in touch with my fate
Got so much on my plate
So many broken promises that I don’t even trust what I say"

Why was my shirt off? Charlie Fusco made me do it.

Ok, she didn't make me, she just said she wanted to see nudity during the talent show, and I used that as an opportunity to strip a little (still quite PG compared to the night before) #campmaverick

I was intending, until the last few hours before the show, to do a piece on Unconditional Love. But as I felt into that, I wanted to share more honestly from where I'm been, with life and business being so crazy lately.

So I dug up this piece "Pressure" from over a year and a half ago. It hasn't resonated this much in awhile, but certainly has the last couple of weeks, and I gave (IMO) the most authentic and passionate performance of it that I've ever shared.

Huge thanks to Sammy Taggett and Craig Handley for rallying your musical talents just a few minutes before the show for this collaboration!

For those who requested, here are the lyrics:

Running multiple companies
I run from these
Feelings, if you could feel the pressure coming up from under me
Thundering, rupturing
Everything you want from me
I just want to be
Free, but I’ve got these visions haunting me
Got this vision of ambition
That I can’t put limits in my mission
I’m so infinitely driven
So I sit in this transition
Trying to fit in with precision
But this little kid’s not fitting
Like I’ve got all the pieces, but I can’t arrange the puzzle
And I can’t manage the struggle
It doesn’t matter if I hustle
But does it matter if I trust in
The path that I’ve been on
Does it matter if I’m wrong
Sometimes my shadow is so strong
That I battle in this song
With my ego as I’m shattering what’s strong
About my spiritual gratitude along
With my casual questions of community like Do I actually belong?
I think I’m past this moving on
Those insecurities are in the past and now they’re gone
Back to my purpose, this massive path I’m on
So in touch with my fate
Got so much on my plate
So many broken promises that I don’t even trust what I say
Feeling crushed by the game
What a fucking disgrace
In between my complex lyrics I’m just cussing away
So please muzzle my face
And in my struggle embrace
Me with a hug just today
Heal me, take my problems and fuck em away
I just need someone to love me that way
But I’m stuck in this phase
Where I’ve put my lust far away
Playing the role of a hopeless romantic
Somehow hoping I’d manage
That I’d find the kind of love that I’d be open to marriage
But I’m either confused or just broken and damaged
Every woman I meet has emotional baggage
Or just boring and average
Or has a boyfriend or married
I wanna have it all
So I take a day with adderall
Get it ALL DONE, but there’s an infinite workload after all
And after all, these feelings I get mad at all
The shit that I’ve neglected, so I pass the ball
But no one’s there to pick it up
So I’m there for myself to lift me up
Rely solely on self to shift my luck
The man in the mirror, the only one who gives a fuck
Fuck, fuck fuck it all I’m giving up
I worked so much I didn’t live enough
Wait, no, that’s my ego speaking up
I’m so grateful for all the people in my life
So bright, so loving, equaling my light
I wanna give it all, but feel so feeble in my might
Cause I’m so tired of balancing
All that I’ve been handling
Rearrange my life dismantle it
Sometimes my fire burns so bright I can’t handle it
Other times, I can barely keep a candle lit
But fuck it, be a man you kid
Stop struggling with these demons
Demeaning the meaning
Of the life you’re receiving
And the light you believe in
And the brightness that beams in
Your eyes as you’re dreaming
And it’s those dreams that will drive you to strive for success
For you to find that desire the fire in your chest
For you to feel so inspired and rise to your best
And to bring yourself higher till you’re kinda obsessed
With the potential inside you you’re trying to express
And even though you feel tired you’re alive nonetheless
And despite all the time that your eyes are a mess
From all of the trials you’re crying and stressed
You know deep down inside you’re aligned with yourself
Knowing “There’s a reason that I was assigned on this quest”
To let the old paradigms die and rewire the rest
To fight for the light put the violence to rest
Igniting the sky with divine intervention
Blinded by sight I put my guides to the test
For it’s in my silence that I’m finding myself
Divided from my own perspective I’m alive in my breath
Reviving my higher perspective realizing I’m blessed
Divinely reminded that I am expressed
As an outrageous love letter from the Universe
Designed, delivered, and signed as myself

“DUDE, DO YOU WANT MY FUCKING JOB? Cause you can have it.” – IN-Q in response to this poem.

IN-Q told us to find a transformational moment in our lives, and go off and write for 25 minutes on that.

This is what came out.

Then this performance, after 25 minutes of on-the-spot writing and no rehearsal.

Then the first audience reaction: “I don’t know what your career is, but if you’re not doing something like this, day in and day out, you’re missing it.”

This, on top of Dane Maxwell’s comment last week after seeing my performance at David Brower’s Sensorial Experience Day last Sunday, looking me directly in the eyes: “Get out of business, and DO THIS […] Michael Hrostoski, Molly Butler and I were trembling in our bodies over there.”

While I enjoy “compliments” on my poetry (or even more so, when I hear that it has an impact on people)… these statements go beyond that for me.

I’ve followed IN-Q for 3 years since he helped re-awaken my poetic expression when Yanik Silver brought him in for a Maverick workshop. He’s my poetic role model. Those words, as his first reaction, really meant a lot. Not just to my ego, but to my spirit. My spirit that wants to serve the world with my words and express my essence.

Dane Maxwell has been one of my biggest inspirations, not only in opening my heart and softening my soul this past year, but even more so in his own journey of retiring from business at a young age and relentlessly pursuing his true calling of sharing his musical gifts with the world. These words from him mean a lot, in how they enCOURAGE me to step more fully into my own expression.

While I don’t planning on leaving business, or doing this for a full-time career, I DO plan on expressing my essence and healing myself and others through continuing my practice of poetry – and with this feedback as fuel, more than ever before, despite how busy I am in business right now (which, beyond “business” is also my devotion to dharma).

I trust – and already starting to see – how it all ties together in living my greatest life, and doing my greatest work in the world.

Thank you Kevin Kurgansky… not only for filming this… or getting me up to LA for the workshop… thank you for seeing and supporting me in my life’s artistic expression in the myriad or ways you show up for me. I’m infinitely grateful to have a friend like you.

Oh, and Joshua for being there with the pads to box in that moment to bring out my power.

And most recently for Jess Johnson and Isabella Konold for the epic VIP day helping me step into more of my embodied expression and speaking my story and my truth.

(BTW – It was during this poetry workshop that my Forbes article came out and starting gaining traction… Saturday was certainly a balancing act of attention, and a day of dousing in dharma and gratitude for all that is my life, message, and service).

My favorite line from this impromptu poem:

“If there’s anything I’ve learned it’s
That I only feel worthless
When I worry
About what my worth is”

I love you all <3